Better late than never...?

I have had the best of intentions for getting back onto this blog and updating about how Experiment #1 went! I have had those intentions for almost three weeks! Life with littles, right?

Okay, so I noticed at the end of the experiment that I was significantly calmer and actually patient with my children. All of them. Even the one that normally grabs a hold of my last nerve and tries to rip it into a gazillion pieces before the day is over. I was not yelling (half as much), I swore a lot less, and I was becoming a bit more proficient at writing with my left hand. My husband noticed a big difference, which is a bit ironic... because towards the end of the two week experiment I was cool as a cucumber - and he was losing his marbles over every single thing. I'm all, "Honey, don't yell at them. I've worked so hard to not yell at them. Please stop yelling at them." I advised him to do the two week challenge. I am thinking he must have, because he is much more level-headed now.

We hosted Thanksgiving this year. But... exactly 10 days before Thanksgiving we decided that we wanted to rip some walls in the kitchen in half. And, so we did, well... we started to. The biggest one that was being converted to a half wall was ripped down, but we didn't have time to make it aesthetically pleasing before turkey day. So, hubster slapped down a piece of wood from out in the shed on top of the half wall and we called it a day. THEN, we ripped cabinets off of two walls, and relocated them to another wall... five days before Thanksgiving. Listen... I feel as if we are do or die people. Well, I am. When I get something into my head, I'm all gung ho "get 'er done!" After almost 20 years of loving me the hubs has stopped fighting this. Even though there's a hole in our ceiling in the kitchen and in the walls around the half wall, and there was a slew of drywall mud up, and wallpaper half-ripped down, and missing flooring (from underneath where the cabinets were)... everyone had a good time, they all said they really like the direction our kitchen is headed in, and nobody needed to sue us or our home owner's insurance company for an accident - or plaster in their food. I'm calling it a win.

I just finished my fourth class at Walden, I have nine more classes until I graduate with a bachelor degree. Yesterday started my fifth class, and thankfully - thus far - it is far easier than I anticipated it would be. I have half of this week's assignments done, and half of the reading done and it's only day 2 of class.

Experiment #1

Some Most days I feel as if I have the shortest fuse in the world. I understand that it is unladylike to admit this. I know that some people will not believe it. I am fully aware that I am setting myself up for criticism... but, it would be deceiving and a disservice (for my children, especially) to only put the feel-good, happy, celebratory stuff into this blog. I have anger issues and I have been controlled by that anger for longer than I can recall right now. 

I love my kids. I love my hubster. I would lay down my life if it meant saving any of theirs. But, there have been countless times that I have yelled at each of them. I have said (and yelled) hurtful things. When I become angry it feels like there is a volcano inside me that is no longer dormant, and all of a sudden there is hot, hurtful, raging, word lava spewing from my mouth. I know... I know. 

* A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger

* Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry

* The words of reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing 

* The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit 

* Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen

I know that the Bible says all of that... and more about keeping your tongue in check. I know that our children learn about the world and how to respond to it (and to others!) by watching us. But, guys! I just have not been able to get a hold of this anger and extinguish it. 

I have tried: praying before speaking, counting to 10 (or 20... or 50), walking away to cool off, time-outs for the kids and Mama, whispering, taking it out on my body bag, screaming into a pillow or mattress... it is not like I am not trying to reign it in! Punching the body bag helps some, but I cannot just walk away from most situations and put on the straps and gloves and go at it. Especially if the kids are involved, that does not teach them anything... of course, yelling at them only teaches them to yell, too. So, I yell... they yell, they go play and I go to the kitchen and stuff my face with food so that I can make the guilt for yelling at them (and the anger I still feel, it takes me awhile to come down) simmer down. It is an awful cycle. Please do not misunderstand, there are days where nobody gets angry and everything is awesome. There are days where I get angry and I vent to Katie or Rose about it, while chewing on my cheek or lip instead of outwardly unleashing the anger. While these things may help me calm down quicker, none of them have been successful at lessening the anger. 

Several days ago I was on Pinterest looking up anger management. I read something that I was a bit skeptical about, but because I am a psychology major I was also intrigued. One of the pins titled Did you know? had this on it, "Using your non-dominant hand to do habitual tasks for two weeks can help calm your temper. Studies show people with anger issues also lack self-control, which can be strengthened like a muscle, and the annoyance of doing things with the wrong hand can gradually improve the ability to manage anger." Interesting, yeah? 

Well, Katie and I had been venting to each other that day... so I sent her the pin and asked her what she thought. We ended up agreeing to try it for 2 weeks. She is using her right hand for the two weeks, and I am using my left hand. We did put some caveats on it such as, not using our non-dominant hand for things that could cause bodily injury (chopping food and shaving, etc.). We write out the alphabet, and the date, and sign our names with our non-dominant hands. It has been a hilarious experiment, but it has also been a bit surprising. Over the past few days I have not blown up, or even felt as enraged, as I had been lately. She said she has noticed a difference, as well. Guys, this is technically only day 3/14! It is possible this is entirely a placebo affect, but ... what if it's not? I will keep you updated on this, because if I have found a way to help me manage my anger... I'll be a right-handed lefty for the rest of my life, even if it means I will have toddler-style handwriting!